Slymakiniah: Missing Mama (Mama Part 2)

Slymakiniah: Missing Mama (Mama Part 2): Missing Mama By Makinia Sylviah I had a dream about you again last night, you were there… Thought I saw your face today in the sp...

Missing Mama (Mama Part 2)

Missing Mama

By Makinia Sylviah

I had a dream about you again last night, you were there… Thought I saw your face today in the sparkle of the morning sun but then I heard a voice say “Her work on earth is done”. I thought I heard your voice today; laughing your hearty laugh, and then the angel said to me “There’s peace at last.” I thought I felt your touch today in the breeze that rustled by and then the angel reminded me that the spirit never dies. Then I thought that I would miss you forever but then I heard the angel say “She’s with you every day.”

I awake each morning to start a new day but the pain of losing you never goes away. Shall I wither and fall like an autumn leaf, from this deep sorrow - from this painful grief? I go about the things I have to do and as the hours pass I think again of you. I want to call you and just hear your voice so I pick my phone and dial your number, your number still functions since Christine your first daughter  kept your line on incase some of your friends might miss you and call, or some of your friends will forget you left and call you to invite you to weddings , or one of your contact who never heard of your demise will call to invite you for vacations(She is a bright one) ….It then wracked on me that I have no choice, for you are not here and now my heart cries in pain.

Gone are the eyes that watched me grow, the eyes that were able to see into my soul. Every single day I long for one more moment, one more breath, and one more warm touch. I grasp desperately and sense the closeness, the one just at the fingertips of my heart and mind but again the truth downs again, you are gone and I am here with just the memories.

Mother dearest I loved you more than anything. I miss your voice and the way you used to sing to me. You are irreplaceable woman and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. Sometimes a warm memory sheds light in the dark and eases the pain like music then it darts away on silent wings and I'm alone; hungering for more of the light it had shone but again it is just wistfulness, longing nostalgia and melancholy  that give me company after your demise.

When I see post about my friend with their mothers I cannot stop my tears. I remember you and my eyes are full of tears. I have nearly used up all my tears; I really can't control my tears which come from my eyes and sadness in my mind. I miss you Mum.

So mama here is a letter from me, I tried telling you last night but the morning came fast…

Dear Mom, I do not remember what you looked like the first day of my life, but I will always remember what you looked like on the last day of your life. It still bothers me that you left on that Sunday January the 19^th without me being there to hold your hand one last time. I am so sorry that I was not there to say goodbye. I did, however, kept the promise I made of always being the best I could and Mama I am proud to say I am just you when you were young, strong, energetic, loving, caring, hardworking and I am not just saying this because I want to look good but you know me well, when I count my blessings this year I have a lot to be thankful of and I am proud that I have achieved the much I have…

So mama today marks the 1st of you 40 painful days in hospital, I do not like that I was weak while you were there struggling to be so strong.  My body just could not keep up with seeing you weak. Or was I just lazy? Was I selfish? These questions still come up after months of me struggling to be strong. Mum I missed the last days with you, the first days in hospital I would sit late at night with you, watch you sleep, you would share you food with me and then ask me to go home and get some rest and take care of my siblings.

Oh, Mama, I know how much you loved keeping things in order and making sure we grew up being respectful and humble.  I am more of you than I ever thought, I love the woman I becoming each day. I’m back to myself alright. I never feel like I've lost you Mama but it gets lonely sometimes.

Mama you were a woman of incredible strength. You shaped me to be the person I am today and I am forever grateful to you. While I hate that I've lost you, you would love to know your legacy live on.

Before I log off for today, I want to tell you that our family is growing, we have two more now; Kyle and Kigen, and they are two beautiful boys. I know you are a proud grandma, I can relate because I am a proud auntie. The two are adorable and they bring joy in our lives. I would love to tell you more (Udaku) but people will read so I will talk to you tonight in my dream.

Love,

You daughter

Remembrance in life's passing is the truest form of love one can give, for a memory should never die and a love should live forever in the heart of another.

Getting the power back

By Makiniah Sylviah

We certainly aren’t seeing any shortage in badly behaving politician. There is, however, a very noticeable trend in these political scandals: Most of them involve a man in power, not a woman. This begs the question: Does power affect everyone’s behavior? Or is it People in power are more confident, self-assured, assertive, and impulsive than people low in power?

While numbers may be an easy culprit, the real reason for fewer political scandals might lie with our perception of the ideal man versus the ideal woman. When you ask a woman or a man to describe the ideal man, it wouldn’t be uncommon for them to mention a man’s power, his status, and his competency.

The more power and competence a man possesses, the more attractive he will seem to women at large. From an evolutionary stand-point, women are looking for a man that can be a protector and a provider; political power is one modern aspect that can translate to meet these needs. In a more modern sense, women might still simply be looking for the perfect husband: one in control, one in a position to raise their social status, and one with enough wealth to provide the perfect life.

On the other hand, politically powerful women haven’t been known to set men’s hearts aflutter. In fact, women with high levels of perceived power and competence can actually be threatening and less appealing to men. Historically, a woman was valued for her looks before anything else Our culture simply isn’t congratulating female politicians on their competence in the same way it congratulates its males; the affairs and office trysts only seem to go to the men.

Likewise in respect of the power that is within us women. The bible says “we are more than conquerors”. We need to plug up more stuff, try more things, stop doubting, you won’t know until you try. You have the power to start a business, have a high ranking job, write a book, and get a good education. Become who you want to become even if it’s not modeled around you or in your family. Innovate a new path, dream, believe, and trust.

Don’t be intimidated by another woman; stop comparing yourself to other women when they come in your midst. You know how we do, we scan her from head to toe, then begin to take her apart “she thinks she’s all that” correction, no you think she’s all that. We don’t need to compare ourselves. We are original’s, there are no duplicate’s. When we act that way, we’re just magnifying the insecurity we have in ourselves. Insecurity is falsified truth; we embrace it although it is negative in nature. Listening to it, entertaining it, will not produce a good outcome. That kind of reductive reasoning makes us feel inadequate in many areas.

Stop looking to people, men especially for validation. Validation comes from God he said” we are fearfully and wonderfully made”. Validation comes from within not vice-verse.

Celebrate yourself; take time to pamper your self

Get a monthly massage, manicure, and pedicure facial

Go out monthly with the ladies to dine and entertainment

Take a trip to unwind; to re-energize, to advance spiritually, not retreat, we go forward

Surround yourself, with strong, confident, women that are supportive, that will refresh you, deposit words of affirmation in your spirit.

Giving it the woman’s touch will make you have the power that can’t be replaced and attained with a different being,

GETTING THE POSITIVE IN A WOMAN

By Makiniah Sylviah

It’s often said that behind every great man stands a great woman. In light of the profound influence that women can have on men’s generosity, it might be more accurate to say that in front of every great man walks a great woman. If we’re wise, we’ll follow her lead.

From the beginning of time, a woman’s role has been defined for her, such as wife, mother, caregiver, and nurturer. Prior to the twentieth century, women were primarily absent from the workplace. As the years sped by, women have earned their right to vote, to own property and to pursue their personal and professional goals in almost any area they desire.

However, what has worsened over the past several years is the yard stick society uses to continue to define a women’s external beauty, specifically, her size, hair, and skin to name a few and for African women this includes their skin color.

Having to traverse through and attempt to meet the unrealistic expectations set for women has historically caused many women to develop negative images of themselves. Such negative images include, but are not limited to low self-esteem, incompetence, self-doubt, powerlessness, defenselessness and fear of not meeting societal and family expectations of them.

These negative images, if left unaddressed could impact a woman’s ability to ultimately achieve their personal and professional goals; therefore, it is imperative that women begin to take steps to shatter these negative images and begin to think and act positively.

If you want to experience positive changes to your life, you must first conquer any negative thoughts, and self-sabotaging behaviors. By accessing your internal personal power, you will begin to reprogram your subconscious to propel you toward achieving success, both personally and professionally.

The first step in developing and shaping your subconscious is being aware of its power. You can control your subconscious mind by consistently sending positive messages to it. If you send negativity and doubt, you will fail; however, if you believe that you can succeed, you will. Therefore, it is imperative that you begin to send your subconscious positive information about your belief in your ability to accomplish the goal(s) you have set for yourself.

It is important to note that positive thinking by itself will not make you an overnight success. You must make changes to how you are living, by getting your mind to work for you, not against you. As women, we are experts at one thing that permeates every aspect of our lives and that is giving our power away.

Inner power is what guides us, as women, to live and breathe the life we want with the family ties; relationships; career, mental, emotional and physical health and a purpose. We seek it our entire lives and rarely locate it until we’re in our late 40′s or 50′s. Learning how we give it away daily is the first step to keeping it, building it and using it as intended.

When women feel fears, they lose their self-esteem, not their integrity. As a result, they berate themselves and work harder to succeed within the system.

Being valued for achievement, success and ‘heroism’ produces arrogance and grandiosity: “I can do no wrong; I am entitled; I can do whatever I want and get away with it.” Preoccupation with their own gratification in combination with lack of regard for how others feel propels this behavior.

A MOTHER’S METIER

A MOTHER’S METIER

By Sylvia Makiniah

It’s said the natural state of motherhood is unselfishness, when you become a mother; you are no longer the centre of your own universe. You hand over that position to your children; a mother is she who takes the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.

When I was young, I always felt that love was something that was only possible in books and movies; I didn’t understand how love really worked. I didn’t know what it meant until I grew up and realised how special a mothers loves is to a child.

Every mother has a moment in her life where she remembers every detail; she remembers the date, time, and place for the rest of her life multiplied by how many children she has. It is the moment when she gave birth to her child, that moment; she makes a promise to herself and her child that she would be a good mother.

A mother has a never-ending supply of unconditional love with many defining traits, unconditional love, support, and being a good role model. A child could destroy her most prized possession, but she will still have a smile on her face because her child is safe. Often, when a child gets upset one says and does hurtful things, and yet a mother forgives and forgets. A mother’s child grows and becomes an adult, and one might make decisions she might not agree with, but she will still love her child and be there when needed. No matter what, a mother will always have unconditional love for her child.

A child needs support in a variety of ways, and a mother is there to offer all of the support needed. Of course, a mother is there to support her child financially as best she can; she will always provide for her child to the best of her ability. A mother also provides the emotional support that her child needs; she is always there when her child may need a kiss or comfort on an injury, or simply an extra hug as they get off the bus. Without the support of a mother a child may wander through life never living up to his or her full potential.

Since children learn by example; it is important for a mother to be a good role model, a true mother will show respect to her family, friends, and strangers; by showing all of them respect she teaches her children to be respectful. When a mother stands up for what she believes in, it gives her child strength and confidence to be an independent individual.

A mother will always be responsible for her actions and admit mistakes when she makes them.  Every child needs a good role model to look up to and a mother is just that.
Children learn what they experienced so that they are exposed to unconditional love, support, and a good role model, that is who they become. A mother can see her success of being a good mother in the product of her child. A mother creates loving, supportive, and stand-up people; that is what every mother wants her child to become.

No matter how much we hurt and irritate and don’t appreciate our mothers, they still love us. They accept us for who we are even though we aren’t necessarily the best people we could be. A mother is someone who would jump in a fire just to make sure you have what you need, will run a thousand miles just to get you what you want. Once our mothers are gone there is no shoulder left to cry on, no one to blame for our mistakes, no one to make us our favourite food and no one there to ask how our day was.

As I look at mum, I see that beyond that smile, there’s a woman who has faced hardships and challenges and beside all these she has remained strong and determined. I look at her and all I have for her is admiration and immense love and wish to give back to her all she has given to us, a child is a mother’s creativity, her exclusive art taking shape inside of her thus being her child is the best gift she has and always will.

GETTING THE POSITIVE IN A WOMAN

By Makiniah Sylviah

It’s often said that behind every great man stands a great woman. In light of the profound influence that women can have on men’s generosity, it might be more accurate to say that in front of every great man walks a great woman. If we’re wise, we’ll follow her lead.

From the beginning of time, a woman’s role has been defined for her, such as wife, mother, caregiver, and nurturer. Prior to the twentieth century, women were primarily absent from the workplace. As the years sped by, women have earned their right to vote, to own property and to pursue their personal and professional goals in almost any area they desire.

However, what has worsened over the past several years is the yard stick society uses to continue to define a women’s external beauty, specifically, her size, hair, and skin to name a few and for African women this includes their skin color.

Having to traverse through and attempt to meet the unrealistic expectations set for women has historically caused many women to develop negative images of themselves. Such negative images include, but are not limited to low self-esteem, incompetence, self-doubt, powerlessness, defenselessness and fear of not meeting societal and family expectations of them.

These negative images, if left unaddressed could impact a woman’s ability to ultimately achieve their personal and professional goals; therefore, it is imperative that women begin to take steps to shatter these negative images and begin to think and act positively.

If you want to experience positive changes to your life, you must first conquer any negative thoughts, and self-sabotaging behaviors. By accessing your internal personal power, you will begin to reprogram your subconscious to propel you toward achieving success, both personally and professionally.

The first step in developing and shaping your subconscious is being aware of its power. You can control your subconscious mind by consistently sending positive messages to it. If you send negativity and doubt, you will fail; however, if you believe that you can succeed, you will. Therefore, it is imperative that you begin to send your subconscious positive information about your belief in your ability to accomplish the goal(s) you have set for yourself.

It is important to note that positive thinking by itself will not make you an overnight success. You must make changes to how you are living, by getting your mind to work for you, not against you. As women, we are experts at one thing that permeates every aspect of our lives and that is giving our power away.

Inner power is what guides us, as women, to live and breathe the life we want with the family ties; relationships; career, mental, emotional and physical health and a purpose. We seek it our entire lives and rarely locate it until we’re in our late 40′s or 50′s. Learning how we give it away daily is the first step to keeping it, building it and using it as intended.

When women feel fears, they lose their self-esteem, not their integrity. As a result, they berate themselves and work harder to succeed within the system.

Being valued for achievement, success and ‘heroism’ produces arrogance and grandiosity: “I can do no wrong; I am entitled; I can do whatever I want and get away with it.” Preoccupation with their own gratification in combination with lack of regard for how others feel propels this behavior.

MAMA PART 1

By Makiniah Sylviah

Agony, so distraught, grieving with true pain,Another sharp corner and I’m screaming your name. I hate how time passes, not one comforting word,Like a sheep among wolves, I feel lost in the heard. Before your cruel passing, wished I’d said goodbye,Maybe then I could let go of the day that you died. 

God denied me the chance to say goodbye and thank you for the life you gave me, the sleepless nights thinking about “us” your kids, the love you gave us unconditionally, when I lay in bed I always stop and think of the last moments I  had with you, the last word you told me, you actually promised to get well soon, but mum that’s one promise you never fulfilled…One promise that I can’t let go…

The day I saw you in the coffin I lost the part that made me complete, “You”  you that taught me everything that I needed to know, you that gave me life, you that I can’t ever replace in this world, you that saw me through my trying and complicated times, you that always listened to my crap life stories about what I did, what I want to do, what I think I should do, what I need to do and what…. when I lost the strength you sent an  angel who held my hand, She wiped away my tears and helped me understand.
our time on earth is brief, there’s lessons to be learned,Each precious day God gives us another page is turned.

Every chapter full of memories, times of joy and tears,Triumphs and defeats, through every passing year.She loved us unconditional, always by our side,When no one else would listen, in her we could confide.With gentle words of wisdom she led us on our way,Down the paths of righteousness if ever we did stray. She saw the light in everyone and gave with no regrets,Always from her heart let’s us not forget.Angels come in many forms, for me it is my mother,  With love I cannot say in words there’ll never be another.
Every day I turn the page in my heart will ever remain,  Everything she taught me as I stroll down memory lane.  Thank you God for giving me the most priceless of all treasures,Help my Lord to keep alive her memory here forever.I pray that I can some day be everything she hoped I would,  That’s she smiling down from heaven knowing she did good.

Gods called her to his heavenly home, part of his great plan, although it may be hard, we all must understand.Faith is what is hoped for, things we cannot see,Heaven is promised to all of us if only we believe.

Yes, I’m still lost, Mom I loved you so much,Years have gone by, still remembering that touch.You taught me to laugh, held me when I cried,Told me not to be scared of the day that you died.
You hid all my secrets, to you I’d confide,You were everything to me, Mom, why’d you die……

MOTHERS DAY

The first mothers day without my mother 

The entire day I've been trying to keep my head from reality (Mothers day) but sometimes we have to accept the changes in life.

As anyone can imagine, this year has been a rough one on my part. I am still not sure if I have gone through all of the stages of Grief. It’s hard for me to understand that my mum ain't here any more.

 I didn't start feeling the sadness until I started writing an article about mothers for the Weekly Chronicle this morning trying to choose the right words for the article, the tears came back. It’s not fair my mum left without warning, It’s not fair my dad was left alone to live in the house they build together for years.

But still today is mother’s day and I hope that all those who have their mothers will understand how fortunate they are and will show their mums how much they appreciate them. I know that I was blessed to have my mother for as long as I did. 

Now that I understand that my mother's memory, values and wisdom will always be with me even though she is not physically here I am looking forward to a great future.

Today I remember you mum, your wisdom, your kindness, your warmth, your selflessness and your loving smile.

I wish I could have the strength to write more but the tears can’t allow me to go on…I will do the rest later or you can just read my heart it has all the words I would wish to tell you…Happy mother’s day mum, may your soul rest in eternal peace… miss you.

Mama Part 1

Agony, so distraught, grieving with true pain,Another sharp corner and I’m screaming your name. I hate how time passes, not one comforting word,Like a sheep among wolves, I feel lost in the herd. Before your cruel passing, wished I’d said goodbye,Maybe then I could let go of the day that you died.

God denied me the chance to say goodbye and thank you for the life you gave me, the sleepless nights thinking about “us” your kids, the love you gave us unconditionally, when I lay in bed I always stop and think of the last moments I  had with you, the last word you told me, you actually promised to get well soon, but mum that’s one promise you never fulfilled…One promise that I can’t let go…

The day I saw you in the coffin I lost the part that made me complete, “You”  you that taught me everything that I needed to know, you that gave me life, you that I can’t ever replace in this world, you that saw me through my trying and complicated times, you that always listened to my crap life stories about what I did, what I want to do, what I think I should do, what I need to do and what…. when I lost the strength you sent an  angel who held my hand, She wiped away my tears and helped me understand.

Our time on earth is brief, there’s lessons to be learned,Each precious day God gives us another page is turned.

Every chapter full of memories, times of joy and tears,Triumphs and defeats, through every passing year.She loved us unconditional, always by our side,When no one else would listen, in her we could confide.With gentle words of wisdom she led us on our way,Down the paths of righteousness if ever we did stray. She saw the light in everyone and gave with no regrets,Always from her heart let’s us not forget.Angels come in many forms, for me it is my mother,  With love I cannot say in words there’ll never be another.

Every day I turn the page in my heart will ever remain,  Everything she taught me as I stroll down memory lane.  Thank you God for giving me the most priceless of all treasures,Help my Lord to keep alive her memory here forever.I pray that I can some day be everything she hoped I would,  That’s she smiling down from heaven knowing she did good.

Gods called her to his heavenly home, part of his great plan, although it may be hard, we all must understand.Faith is what is hoped for, things we cannot see,Heaven is promised to all of us if only we believe.

Yes, I’m still lost, Mom I loved you so much,Days have gone by, still remembering that touch.You taught me to laugh, held me when I cried,Told me not to be scared of the day that you died.
You hid all my secrets, to you I’d confide,You were everything to me, Mom, why’d you die……

'Chamas' Empowering women

Economists have pondered over the effectiveness of the provision of “Chama’s” as mechanism for ameliorating the socio-economic conditions of women in poverty and tackling gender inequalities through fairer distribution and access to financial resources.

Theoretically, Chama’s should empower women in 3 key ways; a) independent sources of income outside the home, thereby reducing dependency and enhancing autonomy, b) exposure to new ideas, values and social support that should encourage their assertiveness, c) enhance women's status, such as in the eyes of their husbands, that may promote greater discussion and cooperation over use of resources.

A dramatic increase in women's Chama’s has occurred in the country. Indeed, empirical data has suggested a positive correlation between credit availability and women's empowerment.

There are two key processes that have been identified in order to advance women's empowerment - social mobility and economic security. The poor often have short-term liquidity needs for consumption smoothing.

A high proportion of the funds made available for self-help group schemes were utilized by women, enabling them to meet subsistence needs during difficult economic times. An important indicator of empowerment is the ability to make decisions within the household. Through Chama’s women have greater personal income, and this has helped to increase mobility and therefore employment potential of women who no longer have to solicit permission from their husbands beforehand.

Women's groups and Chama’s should lead on to increased employment and individual income. This in turn allows better decision-making about consumption and investment leading to greater wellbeing for women. Furthermore, through greater status within the household and community, poorer women will acquire more negotiating power and partake in wider movements for social and political change that will reinforce empowerment of women beyond mere financial capability.

However, the usefulness of Women groups and Chama’s as a means of empowering women is severely undermined by their lack of ability to achieve overall social transformation, lifting women out of abject poverty. Indeed, it is widely recognized that women groups have met limited successes. The ability of a woman to transform her life through access to financial services depends on her individual situation, abilities, environment and the status of women as a group.

It is impossible to ignore other factors that play a greater role in women's empowerment than mere financial opportunities. Empowerment of women depends on power that is deeply rooted in our social systems, cultures and values. It is unlikely that any one intervention such as the provision of credit will completely alter power and gender relations.

Women often value the non-economic benefits of a group-lending program as much as or more than the credit. Some of the most valued benefits include expanded business and social networks, improved self-esteem, increased household decision-making power, and increased respect and prestige from the community. No longer can this strategy be reduced to simple income-generating activities through revolving funds, but rather it entails and includes other elements of empowerment such as leadership, self-management, networking and entrepreneurship.

Statistics and surveys indicate that Women self-help group programs have profoundly increased the economic empowerment of women, such as the provision of loans for business start-ups that were previously unattainable for underprivileged women.

Credit availability and generation of employment opportunities are fundamental stepping-stones to further social and political empowerment of women. However, the process of achieving overall social transformation and gender equality will require more time for long-term outcomes.