Getting the power back

By Makiniah Sylviah

We certainly aren’t seeing any shortage in badly behaving politician. There is, however, a very noticeable trend in these political scandals: Most of them involve a man in power, not a woman. This begs the question: Does power affect everyone’s behavior? Or is it People in power are more confident, self-assured, assertive, and impulsive than people low in power?

While numbers may be an easy culprit, the real reason for fewer political scandals might lie with our perception of the ideal man versus the ideal woman. When you ask a woman or a man to describe the ideal man, it wouldn’t be uncommon for them to mention a man’s power, his status, and his competency.

The more power and competence a man possesses, the more attractive he will seem to women at large. From an evolutionary stand-point, women are looking for a man that can be a protector and a provider; political power is one modern aspect that can translate to meet these needs. In a more modern sense, women might still simply be looking for the perfect husband: one in control, one in a position to raise their social status, and one with enough wealth to provide the perfect life.

On the other hand, politically powerful women haven’t been known to set men’s hearts aflutter. In fact, women with high levels of perceived power and competence can actually be threatening and less appealing to men. Historically, a woman was valued for her looks before anything else Our culture simply isn’t congratulating female politicians on their competence in the same way it congratulates its males; the affairs and office trysts only seem to go to the men.

Likewise in respect of the power that is within us women. The bible says “we are more than conquerors”. We need to plug up more stuff, try more things, stop doubting, you won’t know until you try. You have the power to start a business, have a high ranking job, write a book, and get a good education. Become who you want to become even if it’s not modeled around you or in your family. Innovate a new path, dream, believe, and trust.

Don’t be intimidated by another woman; stop comparing yourself to other women when they come in your midst. You know how we do, we scan her from head to toe, then begin to take her apart “she thinks she’s all that” correction, no you think she’s all that. We don’t need to compare ourselves. We are original’s, there are no duplicate’s. When we act that way, we’re just magnifying the insecurity we have in ourselves. Insecurity is falsified truth; we embrace it although it is negative in nature. Listening to it, entertaining it, will not produce a good outcome. That kind of reductive reasoning makes us feel inadequate in many areas.

Stop looking to people, men especially for validation. Validation comes from God he said” we are fearfully and wonderfully made”. Validation comes from within not vice-verse.

Celebrate yourself; take time to pamper your self

Get a monthly massage, manicure, and pedicure facial

Go out monthly with the ladies to dine and entertainment

Take a trip to unwind; to re-energize, to advance spiritually, not retreat, we go forward

Surround yourself, with strong, confident, women that are supportive, that will refresh you, deposit words of affirmation in your spirit.

Giving it the woman’s touch will make you have the power that can’t be replaced and attained with a different being,

GETTING THE POSITIVE IN A WOMAN

By Makiniah Sylviah

It’s often said that behind every great man stands a great woman. In light of the profound influence that women can have on men’s generosity, it might be more accurate to say that in front of every great man walks a great woman. If we’re wise, we’ll follow her lead.

From the beginning of time, a woman’s role has been defined for her, such as wife, mother, caregiver, and nurturer. Prior to the twentieth century, women were primarily absent from the workplace. As the years sped by, women have earned their right to vote, to own property and to pursue their personal and professional goals in almost any area they desire.

However, what has worsened over the past several years is the yard stick society uses to continue to define a women’s external beauty, specifically, her size, hair, and skin to name a few and for African women this includes their skin color.

Having to traverse through and attempt to meet the unrealistic expectations set for women has historically caused many women to develop negative images of themselves. Such negative images include, but are not limited to low self-esteem, incompetence, self-doubt, powerlessness, defenselessness and fear of not meeting societal and family expectations of them.

These negative images, if left unaddressed could impact a woman’s ability to ultimately achieve their personal and professional goals; therefore, it is imperative that women begin to take steps to shatter these negative images and begin to think and act positively.

If you want to experience positive changes to your life, you must first conquer any negative thoughts, and self-sabotaging behaviors. By accessing your internal personal power, you will begin to reprogram your subconscious to propel you toward achieving success, both personally and professionally.

The first step in developing and shaping your subconscious is being aware of its power. You can control your subconscious mind by consistently sending positive messages to it. If you send negativity and doubt, you will fail; however, if you believe that you can succeed, you will. Therefore, it is imperative that you begin to send your subconscious positive information about your belief in your ability to accomplish the goal(s) you have set for yourself.

It is important to note that positive thinking by itself will not make you an overnight success. You must make changes to how you are living, by getting your mind to work for you, not against you. As women, we are experts at one thing that permeates every aspect of our lives and that is giving our power away.

Inner power is what guides us, as women, to live and breathe the life we want with the family ties; relationships; career, mental, emotional and physical health and a purpose. We seek it our entire lives and rarely locate it until we’re in our late 40′s or 50′s. Learning how we give it away daily is the first step to keeping it, building it and using it as intended.

When women feel fears, they lose their self-esteem, not their integrity. As a result, they berate themselves and work harder to succeed within the system.

Being valued for achievement, success and ‘heroism’ produces arrogance and grandiosity: “I can do no wrong; I am entitled; I can do whatever I want and get away with it.” Preoccupation with their own gratification in combination with lack of regard for how others feel propels this behavior.

A MOTHER’S METIER

A MOTHER’S METIER

By Sylvia Makiniah

It’s said the natural state of motherhood is unselfishness, when you become a mother; you are no longer the centre of your own universe. You hand over that position to your children; a mother is she who takes the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.

When I was young, I always felt that love was something that was only possible in books and movies; I didn’t understand how love really worked. I didn’t know what it meant until I grew up and realised how special a mothers loves is to a child.

Every mother has a moment in her life where she remembers every detail; she remembers the date, time, and place for the rest of her life multiplied by how many children she has. It is the moment when she gave birth to her child, that moment; she makes a promise to herself and her child that she would be a good mother.

A mother has a never-ending supply of unconditional love with many defining traits, unconditional love, support, and being a good role model. A child could destroy her most prized possession, but she will still have a smile on her face because her child is safe. Often, when a child gets upset one says and does hurtful things, and yet a mother forgives and forgets. A mother’s child grows and becomes an adult, and one might make decisions she might not agree with, but she will still love her child and be there when needed. No matter what, a mother will always have unconditional love for her child.

A child needs support in a variety of ways, and a mother is there to offer all of the support needed. Of course, a mother is there to support her child financially as best she can; she will always provide for her child to the best of her ability. A mother also provides the emotional support that her child needs; she is always there when her child may need a kiss or comfort on an injury, or simply an extra hug as they get off the bus. Without the support of a mother a child may wander through life never living up to his or her full potential.

Since children learn by example; it is important for a mother to be a good role model, a true mother will show respect to her family, friends, and strangers; by showing all of them respect she teaches her children to be respectful. When a mother stands up for what she believes in, it gives her child strength and confidence to be an independent individual.

A mother will always be responsible for her actions and admit mistakes when she makes them.  Every child needs a good role model to look up to and a mother is just that.
Children learn what they experienced so that they are exposed to unconditional love, support, and a good role model, that is who they become. A mother can see her success of being a good mother in the product of her child. A mother creates loving, supportive, and stand-up people; that is what every mother wants her child to become.

No matter how much we hurt and irritate and don’t appreciate our mothers, they still love us. They accept us for who we are even though we aren’t necessarily the best people we could be. A mother is someone who would jump in a fire just to make sure you have what you need, will run a thousand miles just to get you what you want. Once our mothers are gone there is no shoulder left to cry on, no one to blame for our mistakes, no one to make us our favourite food and no one there to ask how our day was.

As I look at mum, I see that beyond that smile, there’s a woman who has faced hardships and challenges and beside all these she has remained strong and determined. I look at her and all I have for her is admiration and immense love and wish to give back to her all she has given to us, a child is a mother’s creativity, her exclusive art taking shape inside of her thus being her child is the best gift she has and always will.

GETTING THE POSITIVE IN A WOMAN

By Makiniah Sylviah

It’s often said that behind every great man stands a great woman. In light of the profound influence that women can have on men’s generosity, it might be more accurate to say that in front of every great man walks a great woman. If we’re wise, we’ll follow her lead.

From the beginning of time, a woman’s role has been defined for her, such as wife, mother, caregiver, and nurturer. Prior to the twentieth century, women were primarily absent from the workplace. As the years sped by, women have earned their right to vote, to own property and to pursue their personal and professional goals in almost any area they desire.

However, what has worsened over the past several years is the yard stick society uses to continue to define a women’s external beauty, specifically, her size, hair, and skin to name a few and for African women this includes their skin color.

Having to traverse through and attempt to meet the unrealistic expectations set for women has historically caused many women to develop negative images of themselves. Such negative images include, but are not limited to low self-esteem, incompetence, self-doubt, powerlessness, defenselessness and fear of not meeting societal and family expectations of them.

These negative images, if left unaddressed could impact a woman’s ability to ultimately achieve their personal and professional goals; therefore, it is imperative that women begin to take steps to shatter these negative images and begin to think and act positively.

If you want to experience positive changes to your life, you must first conquer any negative thoughts, and self-sabotaging behaviors. By accessing your internal personal power, you will begin to reprogram your subconscious to propel you toward achieving success, both personally and professionally.

The first step in developing and shaping your subconscious is being aware of its power. You can control your subconscious mind by consistently sending positive messages to it. If you send negativity and doubt, you will fail; however, if you believe that you can succeed, you will. Therefore, it is imperative that you begin to send your subconscious positive information about your belief in your ability to accomplish the goal(s) you have set for yourself.

It is important to note that positive thinking by itself will not make you an overnight success. You must make changes to how you are living, by getting your mind to work for you, not against you. As women, we are experts at one thing that permeates every aspect of our lives and that is giving our power away.

Inner power is what guides us, as women, to live and breathe the life we want with the family ties; relationships; career, mental, emotional and physical health and a purpose. We seek it our entire lives and rarely locate it until we’re in our late 40′s or 50′s. Learning how we give it away daily is the first step to keeping it, building it and using it as intended.

When women feel fears, they lose their self-esteem, not their integrity. As a result, they berate themselves and work harder to succeed within the system.

Being valued for achievement, success and ‘heroism’ produces arrogance and grandiosity: “I can do no wrong; I am entitled; I can do whatever I want and get away with it.” Preoccupation with their own gratification in combination with lack of regard for how others feel propels this behavior.

MAMA PART 1

By Makiniah Sylviah

Agony, so distraught, grieving with true pain,Another sharp corner and I’m screaming your name. I hate how time passes, not one comforting word,Like a sheep among wolves, I feel lost in the heard. Before your cruel passing, wished I’d said goodbye,Maybe then I could let go of the day that you died. 

God denied me the chance to say goodbye and thank you for the life you gave me, the sleepless nights thinking about “us” your kids, the love you gave us unconditionally, when I lay in bed I always stop and think of the last moments I  had with you, the last word you told me, you actually promised to get well soon, but mum that’s one promise you never fulfilled…One promise that I can’t let go…

The day I saw you in the coffin I lost the part that made me complete, “You”  you that taught me everything that I needed to know, you that gave me life, you that I can’t ever replace in this world, you that saw me through my trying and complicated times, you that always listened to my crap life stories about what I did, what I want to do, what I think I should do, what I need to do and what…. when I lost the strength you sent an  angel who held my hand, She wiped away my tears and helped me understand.
our time on earth is brief, there’s lessons to be learned,Each precious day God gives us another page is turned.

Every chapter full of memories, times of joy and tears,Triumphs and defeats, through every passing year.She loved us unconditional, always by our side,When no one else would listen, in her we could confide.With gentle words of wisdom she led us on our way,Down the paths of righteousness if ever we did stray. She saw the light in everyone and gave with no regrets,Always from her heart let’s us not forget.Angels come in many forms, for me it is my mother,  With love I cannot say in words there’ll never be another.
Every day I turn the page in my heart will ever remain,  Everything she taught me as I stroll down memory lane.  Thank you God for giving me the most priceless of all treasures,Help my Lord to keep alive her memory here forever.I pray that I can some day be everything she hoped I would,  That’s she smiling down from heaven knowing she did good.

Gods called her to his heavenly home, part of his great plan, although it may be hard, we all must understand.Faith is what is hoped for, things we cannot see,Heaven is promised to all of us if only we believe.

Yes, I’m still lost, Mom I loved you so much,Years have gone by, still remembering that touch.You taught me to laugh, held me when I cried,Told me not to be scared of the day that you died.
You hid all my secrets, to you I’d confide,You were everything to me, Mom, why’d you die……

MOTHERS DAY

The first mothers day without my mother 

The entire day I've been trying to keep my head from reality (Mothers day) but sometimes we have to accept the changes in life.

As anyone can imagine, this year has been a rough one on my part. I am still not sure if I have gone through all of the stages of Grief. It’s hard for me to understand that my mum ain't here any more.

 I didn't start feeling the sadness until I started writing an article about mothers for the Weekly Chronicle this morning trying to choose the right words for the article, the tears came back. It’s not fair my mum left without warning, It’s not fair my dad was left alone to live in the house they build together for years.

But still today is mother’s day and I hope that all those who have their mothers will understand how fortunate they are and will show their mums how much they appreciate them. I know that I was blessed to have my mother for as long as I did. 

Now that I understand that my mother's memory, values and wisdom will always be with me even though she is not physically here I am looking forward to a great future.

Today I remember you mum, your wisdom, your kindness, your warmth, your selflessness and your loving smile.

I wish I could have the strength to write more but the tears can’t allow me to go on…I will do the rest later or you can just read my heart it has all the words I would wish to tell you…Happy mother’s day mum, may your soul rest in eternal peace… miss you.