Today she is going to die....

My mum, Jane Laini Juma, died today, January 19th . Of course today I mean today January 19th 2014. Yes it has been a year and yes I still feel the pain like it has just happened now .

My mother suffered hugely before she died, and you'd think that would make it easier, knowing that her pain has ended. But it doesn't. Instead, the thought of how she spent the last 30 days in ICU, with her illness that was robbing her gradually of every pleasure, every activity, every independence, before it stopped toying with her and allowed her to go, is torture.
home cannot be complete without a mother, for she is the very person that brings the family together, she is the person we long for when we feel discouraged or on the edge of giving up, she is the person  who will be  there  for us no matter what in a matter of seconds.

As I wait for departure at the Kenya Airways lounge I thought of this day a year ago.. Year can't believe it's a year already... By this time last year I was awake preparing for work.  It was Sunday 19th of January 2014, the day my whole world came down cutting my veins into small invisible pieces that couldn't be placed back together.

I remember that day I woke up feeling uneasy,  I though it was because of working late that Saturday.  So I was extremely early that day at work... I was there by 6am, yes that early I am those early bird, it's just that wings are still growing.

I dreamt of you that previous night and I promised myself to travel to Eldoret after work on Sunday.

I was new at work and I was so excited to finally go home and visit my mum in hospital. I didn't like the weather in Nairobi and the food.  I wanted to smell fresh air as I eat sweet food from my mum's kitchen. 

The day went on well and now it was few hours before I close work and I was just editing the last stories for printing.... Then the call that changed my system blood to blue and crushed all the bones leaving me weak in small invisible pieces. 

That fateful day my dad called at 8:36pm,  that was unusual of him.. He calls me late but late after work that is if necessary at 10...So I knew something  wasn't right,  I picked the call.......  I don't remember what happened next but I sure had no mother when I came back to reality.

So today I think I got close to you... The scene was peaceful... I had alone time with you... I feel great knowing that you are in  a better place...I don't want to write much today but Lemmi say: Mom I am very blessed to have had you as my Mother, I am proud that Heavenly Father chose you to be by my side in every stage of my life.

I am blessed tremendously because your memories continue to encourage me to become a better person; I am so full of hope knowing that no matter what trials and difficulties I face, I work through them with confidence knowing that things will work out because my mum is helping me every step of the way.

I don't know how this day will end but I sure know that I miss you... And today is one those days that I am just in low moods...I will write to you later..